2008 was home to yet another strange reality dating show: Farmer Wants a Wife. Offered up by The CW network, the show was based on a British program of the same name, which was apparently popular enough in the UK to warrant an American attempt at emulating its success. Like a country version of The Bachelor, Farmer Wants a Wife involved ten city girls vying for the attention of a single and handsome farmer. The show lasted eight episodes and perhaps the most entertaining aspect of it was the fact that each one beat the last to the bottom of the Nielsen ratings.
The Philadelphia Daily News had the cutest way of describing the travesty that was Farmer Wants a Wife: “It’s strictly entertainment, assuming that’s what you call it when one guy’s ordering 10 aspiring brides through a series of ridiculously staged agricultural challenges to find the one who’ll win the right to have her name mentioned in People magazine when they break up.” Hello sarcasm, our old friend.
2007: Sons of Hollywood
While A&E enjoys high ratings for dramatic reality shows like Intervention, the network was doused in failure when it attempted to tread on the turf of competitors like E! and TLC. In 2007, they released Sons of Hollywood, a program that followed the lives of the offspring of Rod Stewart and Aaron Spelling. We’re sure you’ll be completely unsurprised to learn that people just didn’t really care what spoiled rich kids, Sean Stewart and Randy Spelling, were up to.
We love the way The Los Angeles Times ripped into it: “Sons of Hollywood is the answer to a question nobody was wondering: What if you did ‘Entourage’ with actual Hollywood layabouts, without the writing and the acting and, you know, all that other work stuff?”
2008: Momma’s Boys
Reality TV is a dicey genre, with far more fails to its name than successes. Yet the popularity of shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians and The Bachelor keeps celebrity wannabes constantly attempting to find their own slice of reality TV heaven. Ryan Seacrest had his shot back in 2008, when he debuted Momma’s Boys, a weird competition-style dating show that involved mothers taking charge of their sons’ love lives. The NBC show was as awkward as it sounds, and everyone was relieved when it was canned after the first dismal season.
With an already kitschy premise, the show drove further into cringe town with a collection of pathetic contestants and over-the-top moms. Struggling to wrap his head around the horror of it all, Entertainment Weekly writer, Ken Tucker, explained, “this putrid reality competition works a racist mom into the mix: So, in addition to a parade of mostly inarticulate, cheerfully stereotypical bimbos… there’s plenty of moral ugliness as well.”
2009: In the Motherhood
When TV networks see a web series doing well, it’s standard practice for their eyes to glaze over with dollar signs. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to capitalize on a good thing, it is important to ensure that you’re actually giving audiences something they like. This was the key thing missing from ABC’s failed attempt at converting Motherhood from online success to silver screen ratings. Airing in 2009, the show centered around three moms, each with her own unique parenting style. The sitcom failed dismally, only managing to hold on for seven episodes.
USA Today pulled no punches in its critique: “what you get from Motherhood are witless, barely connected vignettes about three, unpleasant, unbelievable women.” Like a spoiled rich kid, the show was given every opportunity to shine with heavy promotion from the network and sponsorship from both Sprint and Suave. Funnily enough, this support may have been partially responsible for its failure. Viewers were annoyed at the incessant product placement, particularly as it seemed to come at the expense of things like an engaging plot and funny jokes.
2009: The Cougar
While people rarely turn to reality TV when they’re in the mood for quality viewing, even the cheesiest reality shows have the potential to be big hits. Why? Well, you have to admit there’s a certain joy that can only be found in secretly indulging in trashy TV. And it doesn’t get more trashy than a group of 20-something males competing to romance a rich and successful lady who’s more than twice their age. While The Cougar had all the key ingredients to be one of those trashy indulgences you’d never admit to watching but secretly can’t get enough of, it somehow failed to deliver.
The Boston Globe explained why they thought it fell short: “By rights, given all of this material, The Cougar should be hilarious. But the show takes itself so seriously that, instead, it feels impossibly sad.” Audiences apparently agreed, because the show only lasted eight episodes.